Fri. Sep 24th, 2021

No Spoilers

I found Ouija House on Amazon Prime. It’s actually on the IMDb channel but as I watched it through Amazon Prime I was able to watch it for free, with commercials every 25 minutes or something. That’s okay, I can live with that. The first thing that struck me in this movie was why is that 90 year old woman dressed like an 18 year old. Then we get past that scene and there’s another 90 year old lady trying to play 18. Ok, that might be a little exaggeration, but this movie SCREAMED ‘there’s a bunch of has been women in this movie well past their prime but if we use lots of make up, tight clothes, and real good post production, we might have something.’ Uh, no. However, I’m only 10 minutes into the movie at this point so who knows, this could turn out to be the best movie I’ve ever seen. But it’s got this real straight to home movie B feel so pretty sure it’s going to be far from, the greatest movie in the world. BTW, I’d be lucky to be in the same state as any of those beautiful cougars, I mean women portrayed in this blockbuster.

There’s some bad and weird sets in this movie. There’s a part where a secret room is found behind a bookcase. The bookcase is full of books and other knickknacks. It’s my fault for being too noticing of the natural world of physics but when a different 90 year old lady goes to move the 7 foot rickety bookshelf, the way it dragged along the floor as she jerked it open seemed like everything on the shelves should have fallen off. But then everything on the shelves seemed unnaturally immobile like they were glued or nailed down. It just breaks immersion and believability. Now I knew from the second I picked this movie it was gonna be ‘please be over faster’ type of movie but I’ve started it and now I have to finish it (plus I really like saying 90 year old ladies).

Ouija House is a B movie in every way shape and form so treat it as such. A tragedy happened in the past involving this house, a coven of witches, and an evil warlock. Good witches must stop the bad witches from letting evil run rampant in the world or something to that effect. You know, maybe one night when you have a bunch of friends over,everyone is stoned and needing to pull a MST3K session or something. However for originality it pulls of one of the most original and most ridiculous formats for needing to come up with a Ouija board I’ve ever seen. I mean, how does a fuckin rock… For that scene alone it’s worth watching.

Ok, Ouija House review is over. Watch it or don’t watch it. As this review was sitting around waiting for me to find some words to add to make it somewhat appreciable, I actually caught a couple other movies on PlutoTV; check for extra notes on other bad movies below. They were so bad I had to say something.

Ouija House was released in 2018 and directed by Ben Demaree. Screenplay written by Justin Hawkins and Jeff Miller. Featuring Mischa Barton, Tara Reid, Carly Schroeder, Dee Wallace, Chris Mulkay, Mark Grossman, Sarah French, Grace DeMarco, Derrick A. King, Tiffany Shepis, Nathaniel Meek, Kris Holmes, Nicole Holland, Avery Austin, Suzanne Riley-White, Shannon Sauceda and Eva Hamilton. Ouija House is a horror thriller with an IMDb rating of 3.1

— 1.5 BONUS Reviews Below! —

Picture this, UFO outer space ET fire breathing dragons bent on global domination versus a 6 man team of an unnamed military force including jet fighter pilots and ground assault, a pair of which are an over compensating ace pilot daughter/scheming drug addict wheel chair addled long lost father combo. The name of that winner was Alien Convergence. I swear this movie was specifically made for the purpose of being bad, there’s just no other way it could be this bad.

Mega Shark versus Mecha Shark

After seeing that, Mega Shark versus Mecha Shark came on. The title says it all…

Alien Convergence and Mega Shark versus Mecha Shark can both be found on PlutoTV. Please bear in mind that in no way is this an endorsement or positive review of those two, uh, movies. They are terribad as movies. However, after a couple vapes it was bearably funny, I think.

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By editor

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