Sat. Jul 13th, 2024

No Spoilers

Yeah just saw it, and it’s (A)wesome. If you don’t 100% enjoy John Wick 3 Parabellum your stupid. So many people dying in the most awesomess of ways. I mean I want to do that, who wouldn’t. I want to kill 198 people, get barely a scratch and then do it again. For gold coins and posterity, but mostly the gold coins. Sure, I imagine it would take a lot of upper-body work and a lifetime of honing every muscle to immaculate cellular activated impulse power, but look at the payoff! This is why people join the Army! With a lifetime playing Halo now you’re 18, then bam, Kuwait, Iraq, Jordan, Bengazi, Fugazi, Falkland Islands.

John Wick 3 continues to portray a very cool but haplessly downtrodden gangster in some pre-futuristic society where humans no longer have bones but carbon nanotubes. Being practically invincible, these gangster cults walk around killing those among them who are not immortal till there’s just one left (oh wait, wrong movie) or those who lack the proper inner carbon nanotubular micro-quantum bioptic subcranial pinnacle structures or something. Whatever it is it sure makes them tough.

Keanu Reeves killing people. Shocker. It’s all fake. Till it’s not. Then it’s fucking Columbine.

Anyways, good job Hollywood. Keep that shit coming. We want it. We need it. Keeanu. Killing. Kool…

By editor

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